Being Single

Came across this article today:

http://justinmcampbell.net/2012/12/13/the-church-doesnt-get-singleness/

Here was my response, in case it doesn't make it past the moderation stage:):

"I can agree to a lot that you’ve stated. However, I think it’s sad that a lot of the same singles who complain about all of the above also can’t or won’t stand to hear or heed advice from married people about being single and how to date effectively (effectively, meaning, getting on the path to marriage) if that’s all they are focused on at this point in their lives. As if we marrieds were BORN married, never dated, never had to trust and “wait on God,” never had to struggle with abstaining from sex, etc. I can see why singles would refuse to take advice from people decades older than them, who have been married forever and were single in much “simpler” times, but, some are so stuck in their, “no one understands what it’s like to be single; poor me!” attitudes – to the point of childishness – that they refuse to listen even to newly engaged or newly married people.

Jesus was single! And so were his disciples. Maybe singles should read more about them. And when I was single (I’ve only been married two years), my focus was not on dating, but on family and friendships – but more importantly, on my relationship with GOD. It just so happened that my contentment with being single in the world yet in a committed relationship with Christ led to my being pursued by my best male friend who I’d known for three years before we started dating, and three more years before we were married.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct[a] your paths.

Luke 12:29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, NOR HAVE AN ANXIOUS MIND. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things[c] shall be added to you.

Marriage isn’t EVERYTHING. OUR church barely talks about it, but I know some like to shove it down the congregation’s throat. ALL of our focus, whether or not we’re married, should be on how to be better Christians PERIOD. When you find your contentment in and with and THROUGH God alone, none of anything spoken about in the content of this article, nor any of the other nonsense we see and hear every day will cause such outrage or anxiety, because your peace and all that you need will come from your Guide within, and scriptures will have new revelation for you to help you in your SINGLE walk with God.

Philippians 4:11-12 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."

I think back, again, to when I was single. I was fine with it. I really was. But you know what else I was that I didn't realize at the time? I was BITTER and NOT READY to be married anyway, so it was a darn good thing I was fine with it. It wasn't until God led Jason to pursue me that I realized just how NOT READY I was...

There are a lot of BITTER single women out there. Goodness, if I'd started my friendship with Jason showing just how BITTER I obviously still was, he never would have seen enough in me to want to pursue me in the first place, even as a friend. As his friend, however, I didn't have to exhibit those bitter parts of myself so much. But when he asked about my past relationships, I was honest; and he spent a lot of time asking questions and listening to my stories, patiently and lovingly.

Even when I first started dating Jason, and started thinking about the prospect of our getting married, it took a darn long time for it to settle comfortably in my head. I mean, I knew it wouldn't be right for me to date someone forever (though I kind of considered it), especially someone who let it be known right away that the end result would have to be marriage if he were to call me his girlfriend in the first place. It's just that I'd never seen a happily married couple unless it was on a sitcom. In addition, I was so messed up emotionally from all the junk I went through with other men, that it took several years for me to let all of that go.

I tell you, no good man wants to be with an angry, sarcastic and all around bitter woman. You don't have to look like a model in the face or body to get someone to love you unconditionally, to want to marry you. But you can't be less than aesthetically pleasing AND a jerk and yet have the nerve to blame men for being "too stupid" to "see a good thing" in you. 

Use your single time to take personal inventory of where you are emotionally, mentally, and even socially. LET GO and LET GOD reveal to you all that can use some fixin'. If you have a nasty attitude, drink too much, suffer from other addictions, are a user of people, are chronically sarcastic and/or mean-spirited, are quick to become angry, are easily offended or offensive, often misinterpret people's good intentions for you, etc., you're NOT READY to receive the kind of Love from a GOOD man that only God will prepare especially for His daughters - and you have no one to blame but yourself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Vacation

So, I've decided, five days since I last wrote something, that I'm on writing-vacation. I haven't had much on my mind worth writing about.

Christmas is only five days away...wow. I haven't done much shopping, so I'll be one of the dummies out this weekend doing the best I can in the short amount of time that I have. I wish I didn't have to buy presents for anyone other than those in my household. There's so much that I want to get them, but what I'm about to do this weekend is probably going to take away from that - no, no, no! I refuse to let it. I will shop smart and easy this weekend; it'll be fine, I'm sure:)

Also, I don't do Christmas on credit cards. When it's all over, I want it to STAY over, and not continue paying for my shopping well into the new year.

My goal for next Christmas is to shop little by little throughout the year so that I don't have to deal with all of it at once. Less stress, less guilt over spending so much money at one time.

We now return to my writing break.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Unexpected Blessing

Our train ride home from work yesterday was unexpected. Jason ran into a friend of his that used to work in our office a few years back. Usually, when we see her, the conversation is short in that we only exchange pleasantries on our way to our seats or out the doors. This time, we sat right behind her without even realizing it. It wasn't until we'd settled in our seats that Jason noticed who was right in front of us, and he tapped her shoulder to get her attention.

We ended up talking all the way until we reached our stop, which comes before hers does. It started out light; you know, how are you doing; are you ready for the holidays; what are you plans, etc. etc. Shortly after I casually returned to my game of Angry Birds Seasons while Jason and she continued talking, I felt a light tap on my knee; my husband wanted my attention because our friend has just asked a question we've been asked before: How do you know when you should transition a friendship into a relationship?

For those who don't know, Jason and I were friends for years before we became an actual couple, so we are sometimes asked about how that happened by other people - women - thinking about doing the same thing.

My initial response to our friend was simple: The GUY does the leading (this piece of advice never changes in my book). But as she continued to give us more details, I found all kinds of words coming out of my mouth that I didn't even think about before they left my tongue - and she found them insightful and helpful to her situation.

Every situation is different because people - where they've been, what they've experienced - are different. God somehow gave me exactly what she needed to hear. I know it was God because I'd never said those words to anyone before. The advice given was unique to her situation. She asked if we'd considered ministering to other couples and invited us to her church.

After leaving our friend, Jason and I started talking about what she suggested. We came to the conclusion that we're not built for marriage counseling. For goodness sake, we've only been married for two years! What do we know?! :) We have a whole lot to learn in that regard. One thing that I do feel I have to offer - to Christian women in particular - is dating advice. The rules that apply to the "world" out there do not apply to God's daughters. His expectations are much higher for us because the men He has for us are also held to a higher standard. The standard He holds for us is not related to makeup application, education, clothing selection or income, but LOVE. God's hope for us is to be loved as close as possible to the way that He loves us. The way a man loves a woman has to remind her not only that there IS a God, but also of just how much God loves her. If it doesn't, it's not for us.

God's love is unconditional, consistent, without excuses or shame, and eternal. Any man who places conditions on his love for you, is unreliable, makes excuses for why you can't be together and/or who is ashamed to call you HIS is not a man worthy of your heart or hand in marriage or any kind of relationship. We as women need to recognize when it's time to let go of a man who is unwilling or unable to display this kind of love toward us. The longer we put off the separation, the longer it will take for our TRUE mate to find us - even if that TRUE mate is the one you have to let go in the first place.

Yes, I said it.

It's possible that you may be responsible for a good thing going BAD. A good man, who COULD love you, may be too comfortable with getting away with putting in little effort yet reaping great rewards: sex, cohabitation, gifts, one-sided commitment, unlimited time, etc. Sometimes, a man needs to be made uncomfortable in order to fully realize his love-potential. To get himself mentally and spiritually prepared to make necessary changes, unselfishly take himself out of the equation, and recognize that his truest desire, what will make him truly happy, is to give the woman he loves what she truly wants and deserves: his whole heart, and the commitment that backs it up: marriage.

Don't go thinking that every loser you wish wasn't a loser is going to come back a winner and give you what you want after you've executed your decision to let him go. Think about your Father in heaven and the way He loves you and pursues you. Be settled in that, and you'll always know in your heart and spirit that for as long as your life remains in His hands, only a God-given love will do...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Parenting is Tough

There's no doubt that parenting is harder when you actually pay attention to, love and care about the futures of your children. I've also found that the older I get, the more in love with and interested in my children I've become. I'm not so sure how good that is. My prayer is that I'll learn to pull away when I need to, when they become functioning adults, and allow them to make - and prayerfully learn from - their own mistakes.

Having said all that, I've had an emotional last few days. The weird thing is that the emotion that has followed the few incidents that occurred this week took me by surprise. After disciplining and talking to my kids about their behavior, I'd go to be alone and then all of sudden find myself crying about it...

The only thing that calms me down is remembering my faith in God. There's only so much I can do as a parent. I have to remember that God is there every second of every day with them. He'll see so much more than I'll ever see, and therefore, I trust that He'll fill in the voids that my parenting leaves behind.

(In Jesus' name, AMEN...)

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Thought For the Day, the Week, the LIFE...

God loves us "just the way we are" because He still sees us just the way HE made us, which is PERFECT, not the way we've allowed the world, our hurts, our demons, our pains, our WILL, our sins, and circumstances to transform us. In other words, we're better than we think we are - we just need to start WALKING in it. #nomoreexcusestoactafool

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

New Beginnings

I don't even know where to start. There is so much going on in our household, in our lives, that I can't help but to be excited!

THANK YOU, GOD, FOR CHOOSING OUR FAMILY EVEN BEFORE WE CHOSE YOU!!!

I don't want to allow too much information out into the public because not everyone likes to see a sista happy and moving forward and living inside the will and way of GOD! But, for those of you who do support me and pray the best for me, please keep our family in prayer as God is doing mighty, mighty things for and through us!

I can actually feel and clearly see now that life is meant to be driven more by purpose than by emotion or "plans" or "self." We have received very clear visions, that could only have come from God, that my husband and I look forward to achieve for the glory of God and God alone!

Right living has never become more important. And those who are out to use and abuse simply don't have any room to place themselves in our lives. Our prayer is that we are sent people who NEED God and love and who could truly benefit from and who WANT TO BE CHANGED by the God-given love we have to show them.

God has finally been placed above everything and everyone in my life. Above family, friends, worldly expectations, everything...and it feels RIGHT.

He is my Guide and my Judge...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Ahh, That Was Nice...

An entire three days without having to write:). I almost wrote yesterday, but, I found the words stuck in my chest, unable to be released. Probably because it isn't time to release them yet. So, today's topic will be something different.

I spent a lot of my weekend thinking about relationships and how they can be changed over time. As a Christian, you are supposed to think about and regard others more highly than you do yourself. This is hard to do in a world that teaches you to put yourself above all, but it's something that I - and even more so, my HUSBAND - try to practice at all times. We're also very quick and willing to forgive transgressions easily. I PERSONALLY attribute MY willingness more to laziness than to my being a "good Christian;" it takes too much energy for me to be mad at someone for long! :) 

It's a rarity for a relationship to be equally pursued and nurtured by both parties. Usually, one person, the giver, gives, loves, spends, and even CARES more than the other person, the receiver, does. A lot of times, the giver does it so easily and willingly that the lack of effort displayed by, or even the worthiness of the receiver of this care is barely considered. In other words, though the giver in the relationship is clearly doing all the work in keeping the relationship together, it's not "feeling" like work to them, and, in most cases, they are enjoying putting forth the effort so much that they really don't CARE if they ever receive it in return...

Until...

The receiver of this unconditional love says or does something that is so hurtful, that so obviously shows the giver that the receiver doesn't care anything about them; that undoubtedly lets the giver know that everything they've ever done for the receiver meant absolutely nothing to them; that, in fact, the receiver has merely been USING the giver the entire time, while thinking so little of the giver that they would accuse them of being something or someone that the giver has never, would never deserve to be accused of being...

Something this offensive is nothing less than a huge slap not only in the face, but also, the HEART...

Forgiveness is absolutely necessary to be able to move forward with your life. A drug addict who hasn't forgiven his childhood abuser (the "cause" of the addict's desire to lose himself in drugs in the first place) will most likely stay an addict for the rest of his life. Even a recovering addict who HAS forgiven and let go of his abusive past, but won't forgive himself for the mistakes he's made as an addict, will likely return to his addiction...

People often think that to forgive someone means that they have to allow the person who hurt them back into their lives as though the offense never took place. This fallacy, I'm sure, is why there are a lot of people out there who are unwilling to forgive. However, life has taught me that forgiveness isn't meant to leave our relationships unchanged. There are consequences to our actions, and sometimes, loss of a relationship as you knew it is one of them...

It doesn't mean that you aren't forgiven, or that you are hated by the person you hurt (in fact, a true giver is more likely to always love the receiver, even if only from a distance), it just means that things have changed. Take the experience as a lesson learned and move forward with your life, (hopefully) knowing and doing better than you ever did before...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika